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THE GIFT OF LIFE

On the very first day, God created the cow. He said to the cow, "Today I have created you! As a cow, you must go to the field with the farmer all day long. You will work all day under the sun! I will give you a life span of 50 years."

The cow objected, "What? This kind of tough life you want me to live for 50 years? Let me have 20 years, and the 30 years I'll give back to you." So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said to the dog, "What you are supposed to do is to sit all day by the door of your house. Any people that come in, you will have to bark at them! I'll give a life span of 20 years."

The dog objected, "What? All day long to sit by the door? No way! I give you back my other 10 years of life!" So God agreed.

On the third day, God created the monkey. He said to the monkey, "Monkeys have to entertain people. You've got to make them laugh and do monkey tricks. I'll give you 20 years life span."

The monkey objected. "What? Make them laugh? Do monkey faces and tricks? Ten years will do, and the other 10 years I'll give you back." So God agreed.

On the fourth day, God created man and said to him, "Your job is to sleep, eat, and play. You will enjoy very much in your life. All you need to do is to enjoy and do nothing. This kind of life, I'll give you a 20 year life span."

The man objected. "What? Such a good life! Eat, play, sleep, do nothing? Enjoy the best and you expect me to live only for 20 years? No way, man!....Why don't we make a deal? Since the cow gave you back 30 years, and the dog gave you back 10 years and the monkey gave you back 10 years, I will take them from you! That makes my life span 70 years, right?" So God agreed.

AND THAT'S WHY....
In our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play, enjoy the best and do nothing much. For the next 30 years, we work all day long, suffer and get to support the family. For the next 10 years, we entertain our grandchildren by making monkey faces and monkey tricks. And for the last 10 years, we stay at home, sit by the front door and bark at people!

 
 


I AM ITALIAN

Ciao...

I'm not a construction worker, a brickie or a cleaner.
I don't live in a 300 room mansion, or eat pasta every night.
And I don't drive a HSV Commodore.
And I don't know Tony, Rocco or Gino from Five Dock,
Although I'm certain they're very very hairy people.

I drink wine...not beer.
I don't use utensils for pizza.
I believe in open bars at weddings, not cash.
And its pronounced ESPRESSO, not EX-PRESSO.

I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during the world cup.
Gelato IS ice cream, Biscotti ARE cookies, Pavarotti IS the best of the three tenors,

And it's Broo-SKetta, not Broo-SHetta!!

Italy is the ONLY country shaped like footwear, The FIRST nation of soccer,
And the BEST part of Europe!!

My name is Guido !!!
AND I AM ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM PAKISTANI
Allo,
I'm not a taxi driver, a 7-11 or petrol-station attendant.
I don't go to fleamarkets, or worship elephants, or eat with my hands.
And I don't know Akbar, Rampreet or Mohmud from West Ryde,
Although I'm certain they're very smelly people.
I eat roti....not pita.
I don't only shower once a week,
I believe in discounts, not full price.
And I pronounce it WHAT, not VHAT.

I can proudly fly my country's flag out of my car during a terrorist siege.
A turban IS an article of clothing
Spicy foods ARE better than mild foods
Currie is a VERY tasty dish,
And it IS pronounced Gaun-dee,not Gun-dee, GAUN-dee!!

Pakistan IS a third world country, The first nation of Cricket And the BEST part of the middle east!!
My name is Raheem!
AND I AM PAKISTANI!!!!

I AM CHINESE!

Wai...

I'm not a cook, or a computer tech, or the owner of a laundromat
I don't live with my parents, I don't eat dog.
I don't drive a souped-up Civic.
And I don't know Ping, Ching or Wing from Ashfield, Although I'm certain they're very rice... I mean nice people.

I use chopsticks, not a fork.
I rarely drive on the sidewalk.
I believe in giving cash, not gifts
And I pronounce it HELLO, not HARRO.

I can proudly wave my country's flag at a tank during a massacre,
Dim sum IS brunch,
Gwai-Los ARE white folk
Jet Li can kick Van Damme's ass anyday.
And it IS pronounced Gon Hay Fa Choi, not Gon HEE Fa Choi

China is the LARGEST country in Asia, The FIRST nation of PING-PONG,

And the BEST remaining COMMUNIST COUNTRY!!
My name is FUNG!!!
AND I AM CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM AMERICAN
Wassup...

I'm not particularly intelligent, open-minded, or well-liked.
And I don't live in a safe place, eat a balanced diet, or drive very well.
I don't know Shakespeare, Da Vinci or Gutenberg, Although I'm pretty sure they weren't American.

I drink beer, not water,
I am outspoken, not opinionated,
Guns settle disputes, not discussions.
Winning isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing,
And it's pronounced RUFF, not ROOF.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack, unless I go somewhere.
Burger King IS fine dining.
Washing after peeing is for LOSERS,
Twinkies and Moon Pies ARE GOOD for breakfast,
I have a SHED, NOT a GARAGE,
and WWF ACTION IS REAL!

The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA is the ONLY country in the
world, The FIRST nation of IGNORANCE, And the BEST part of SOUTH AMERICA!!

MY NAME IS JIM-BOB, I am married to my sister,
AND I AM AMERICAN!!!!!!!!

and finally......

I AM LEBANESE.

Hey Cuzz!

I'm not a hash dealer, mobile phone vendor, or professional night club hanger.
I live with my mum and dad, 5 brothers, 8 sisters, 4 grandparents, 8 uncles, and their 17 wives.
I know Mohammed, Abdul and Fady - they are my cousins, mate!

I drink water, not beer - Beer is for Skippy's
I am loud & stupid, really, really loud & stupid
Subwoofers make the music, not your poofy 6 x 9's mate.
Walkinshaw Commodores are the best cars in the world.
And it's pronounced, "Siiiiiicckkkk maaaaaaaaate", not "Sick Mate"

I can proudly wave my flag from the carpark at Auburn Macca's.
Kebab is Arabic for "Weet Bix",
Tabouleh and Homous make my Falaffel better.
My cousins will kick the shit of you and your mother, any day mate.
Adidas Tracksuits are "Formal Wear"
and my mum does not wear army boots

LEBANON is the most fully worked country in all the Middle
East, The First Nation of Kenwood Systems, And the best part of the Middle East

My name is BASSAM,
I AM A FULLY SICK LEB MATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




For those of you tired of the usual "friend' poems, a touch of reality.......

When you are sad,.........I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the scum sucking bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue......I'll try to dislodge whatever's choking you.

When you smile,....I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared,........I will rag you about it every chance I get

When you are worried,.....I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining

When you are confused,.........I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass

When you are sick,.... stay away from me until you're well again, I don't want whatever you have

When you fall,.......I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath......I pledge it to the end.


Why you may ask?..........Because you're my friend.